Why No One Cares As Much As You Do (and how you can get them to do so)
However, when it comes to convincing others to join our side of an argument, most of us do a…how do I put this lightly?… an absolutely horrendous job.
We as humans are wired to believe the way we think just has to be the right way — after all, we wouldn’t think something if we believed we were incorrect, right? So our thoughts have to be the correct ones…right?
Ideas, beliefs, and habits can get us fired up — as we’ve clearly seen enough examples of in 2017.
But most of the time what we find is this:
When describing the things that get us fired up, not everyone around us will get as fired up as we are (and usually it is not even close).
This means we are not persuading in a way that is convincing enough for others to join our frame of thought.
So why do people not care as much as you do?
Let’s have an example first.
I have friends who are gluten-free, vegetarian, and vegan, and they all have their reasons for doing so. Most are okay with (or at least tolerant of) the fact that I eat both gluten and meat just about every day, but every now and then they will try to convince me to join the bark side (that was a plant joke; sort of a stretch).
The reality is, I just don’t care as much as they do and the reason is simple:
I haven’t had the same experiences in my life as they have had.
Some of my gluten-free friends are simply gluten intolerant. They get ill when they consume gluten, which means they have an obvious reason to be passionate about a gluten-free diet. This is something to which I cannot relate.
Some of my vegan friends care deeply about animal treatment. This can be for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons might be that they had pets growing up that they cared for deeply. I grew up with family members who hunted and fished regularly — this sets a different frame of reference.
Now please don’t get distracted and think this is a blog about gluten-free or vegetarian diets, celiac disease, or animal rights/cruelty — it is not.
This blog is about why others don’t care about certain ideas, beliefs, or habits as much as you do, and how you can be more persuasive.
The foundational point is this:
At the core of what we care about are the experiences we’ve had.
No one will care exactly like you do about anything because no one has lived exactly like you have.
I say this for two reasons — please keep these in mind if trying to persuade.
- Using your personal bias typically doesn’t help.
This would be like a manager saying, “Hey employee, you should work really hard because if you hit your numbers, I’m going to get a huge bonus at the end of the year.” The manager’s enormous bonus isn’t going to do much to motivate the employee (it actually might make the employee work less hard out of spite).
- Gaining understanding helps others care.
Knowing what others care about will help you tailor your message. While my gluten-free friends may not get very far telling me about how gluten is terrible for people with celiac disease (which I do not have), they might strike a chord if they talked about nutritional benefits that lead to a healthier lifestyle, higher energy levels, and increased athletic performance. When they have aligned what they care about with what I care about, they are more likely to persuade me to shift my perspective.
No matter what it is you care deeply about, you cannot expect others to care about it in the same way you do. If you are looking to convince others to care, keep in mind they have not experienced what you have experienced.
Your best ally in persuasion is asking questions.
Once you find out what others care about, you can present your passions in a way that might inspire them (even if you’re presenting a piece of the equation that is not most inspiring to you personally).
People may not care as much as you do about the important topics in your life, but if you are looking to be persuasive, check your personal bias, find out what others care about, and push yourself to speak to their passions.
You will always win more people to your way of thinking when you align your passions with theirs.
What ideas, beliefs, and habits are you passionate about and how are you bringing them into the world? It’s worth a short evaluation — you may make a small adjustment that helps you win over the skeptics with whom you interact every day.